My parents and grandparents are pretty much used to it now, they know that most toys they bring home, unless it’s Nylabone, Kong or an Indestructiball, are going to be returned in a half hour when I tear them apart. Oh well. At least they get their money back. All that other stuff may be perfect for dogs who don’t have the, uh, strong jaws and massive teeth I do… *flexes* You know how it is. I’m a tough guy. I can’t help it.

One of my favorite things by Nylabone is Healthy Edibles. Oh boy. I love these things. Grandma & Grandpa used to buy me the regular sized ones, and I’d go through the entire three-pack in one night. Then mom thought she was smart, and bought me some Souper sized ones, and I went through those in about, oh, maybe 5 minutes.

You like Seafood? Here, SEE FOOD… HHAHAHAHA Get it!?

…

I stopped getting Nylabone’s Healthy Edibles because of that very reason. They said it was crazy to keep buying them when I just “inhaled” them (and that’s really stupid because, hello!? I CLEARLY eat them, not breathe them… silly humans). They kept telling me to slow down, make them last a little bit longer, but I mean, come on.  I’m a dog! I live in the moment, man! CARPE DIEM! NO DAY BUT TODAY! What if that’s my last meal?! WHAT IF IT’S MY LAST MEAL!? OH MY GOD…

*ahem* Sorry. Anyway, I love Healthy Edibles. Have I mentioned that? I’m writing this review in hopes that the company sees this, and has sympathy on us big dogs, and makes a bigger size Healthy Edible.  I mean, I haven’t seen very much of the world really, but I’m 95  pounds, & I watch ‘The Dog Whisperer.’ I know there are dogs out there that are way bigger than me, like 125 pounds, and there are some the size of HORSES for Dog’s sake! Nylabone, you need to make a bigger size Healthy Edible. Like, a crazy big one. Like maybe a foot and a half long by like 4 inches wide. No, no, no… like 3 feet long and 8 inches wide! Yeah! That’d be AWESOME. And then it’d last me, maybe like, 20 minutes. That should be long enough, right? Oh man. I hope they do that. Or maybe they could just ship me a lifetime supply of them so I’d never ever have to worry about this stuff again. That’d be awesome too.

I thought I’d start doing reviews like this to help other dogs let their parents know what to buy them. It’s hard, I know. Parents buy you toys because they’re cute, or fuzzy, or squeaky, and then you rip it apart and tear out the squeaker and rip off it’s head and leave the stuffing all over the living room, and they get all upset. Well, from now on, just direct them here. I’ll give you the low-down on the really good toys, the ones that won’t fall apart no matter how much you chew them or how many times you pick ‘em up in your mouth and throw ‘em against the dresser or wall (shhh… don’t tell my dad I do that).

Nylabone Healthy Edibles: out of 5 (just because of lack of a really big sized one… & ‘cuz they don’t last very long)

Nylabone toys: out of 5